We humans don't know much about dealing with our feelings.
We like to avoid them. Pretend they're not there. Or react. We think if we go for the momentary release, usually yelling or crying, we've dealt with them, we can move on.
But you've probably had the experience of yelling, crying, and you still feeling horrible. Ummm, estrangement, anyone? Definitely not a quick yell-it-out-and-you're-done situation.
I talk a lot about managing thoughts to feel better. But that doesn't mean we want to make everything super rainbow-y and rosy all the time. We do want - we do need - to feel our feelings.
Here's a quick overview of how to process emotions. It's simple and effective.
Step 1: Face. We tend to run from our feelings. We put on happy faces and act like we have life under control. We can be afraid to feel. Especially as estrangement pain runs deep, the idea of feeling the despair is scary - what if it doesn't end? I'm here to tell you, it will end.
Feelings are temporary. It hurts much more to resist the feelings. Then they don't go away. If anything they grow stronger. We have to process them, physically, quietly, and purposefully, to get relief. So face your feelings. Fearlessly. With faith, knowing they will pass.
Step 2: Forgive. We tend to judge our feelings. We think we "should" be happy all the time. And that life and relationships shouldn't include pain. Ha! That is not the way the human experience was designed. Life is supposed to have ups and downs. We have a variety of emotions to feel a variety of emotions. Have compassion for yourself when you feel lousy. Nothing's gone wrong, you haven't done anything wrong. This is the way it's supposed to be sometimes.
Step 3: Forward. Move forward, live forward. Once you've allowed yourself to feel anything, there's freedom. You know that feeling won't kill you. You can bravely move forward to create a life not built on past hurts, judgements, and experiences. You don't have to constantly react to everything around you, or run from and resent the tough stuff. Courageously owning and processing our feelings means that we can take responsibility for our lives and focus forward.
Because we're not taught to feel, this takes practice. My hope is that these 3 steps will give you some new strategies to consider as you learn to move forward. There will be more to come about feeling emotions in future posts! It's a big topic and is a game-changer for my clients.
If you are interested in getting started ASAP, I'm happy to set up an one-on-one session at no charge to see what's possible for you. Click here for more info!
Feel and live forward, awesome moms!