“Time heals all wounds.” “Just give it time.”
These well-meaning phrases are easily accepted as the way the world works, without question. It might be nice if it were that simple.
The problem is, the idea that time is a healer just isn't true.
Time is a constant. How people change over time is not. If we could rely on time as a healer we would all follow along the same path, all at the same pace. Yet plenty of estranged moms have had no contact with their kids for many years, even decades, and time has not eased their pain. Other moms feel greater peace after a relatively short time being estranged.
Time does not have the power to erase negative emotions. Time absolutely can dull the raw emotions of early estrangement. But the feelings are still there, lurking in the background. A holiday or photograph may bring back the estrangement pain as though it happened yesterday. To heal we must actively deal with our feelings - not passively hope that time will take care of us.
Time can be used to our benefit, but only with our effort. Everything we want to happen, or change, requires effort. Dinner isn't prepared just because it's "dinner time." We don’t get a new job because "it’s time for a new one," we have to think and do differently. We don't feel better because "it's time," or "enough time has passed." We have to decide to use our time to learn how to heal, and take action. That doesn't happen because of time, it happens because of us.
We are our healers.
And that does take time. But it's what we do with that time that makes the difference. We can work at actively healing, or we can maintain the status quo.
It starts with a decision. No right or wrong. It is not a question of morality or worthiness when it comes to how you've used your time in the past, or how you may use it in the future.
But one last point to consider: for all of us, we'll turn around and a year will have passed. You know that saying - "time flies?" So decide. How you want to use your time is up to you, but don't let it slip away, decide what you want to do with it, then figure out how to make it happen.
I'm here to help, every step of the way. Let's talk about how you can use time to serve you in getting where you want to be along this estrangement journey - click here.
Decide to live forward, however you choose, mommas!