“I’m lost without my kids.” — A. J.
”I gave everything to my daughter and now she’s gone, none of it mattered Those years were a waste.” — M. S.
”My identity was always ‘mom’ and I don’t even know if I am a mom anymore. It doesn’t feel like it.” — L. V.
Can you relate?
There is a loss of identity when our child cuts contact. It makes us question everything —who we are as moms, even as people.
Here’s the thing, moms. The thoughts above are super painful. And because we repeat them to ourselves and believe them, we’re promoting and prolonging the idea that our identity has been taken.
Can an identity really be “lost?” Does our child hold the keys to who we are?
You’re still here. You’re still you.
Life is always moving, changing. And we have a lot of evidence of our ability to adapt: we were students, then we weren’t. We were single, then married, and then maybe not married. And so on.
Estrangement is another opportunity to take stock and decide how to rebuild yourself. How to adapt to this new life chapter, just as you’ve done before.
I know you’ve been shaken to your core. Healing takes time. But there’s no reason to abandon all the goodness and miraculousness of you.
When we estrange ourselves, we‘re adding another layer of misery. We block our human need and ability for growth.
The reality is that we are our one constant through life. No one can do our identity for us. It’s ours to own. It always has been.
Deciding who we want to be — as an estranged mom and as a human — is the most powerful force we have in our life.
We can decide to identify as a mom, even if we’re not in contact as we’d expect.
We can decide we’re not lost, but in the process of creating something amazing for ourselves.
We can choose to see the years spent serving a child as acts of love, and decide to channel that love to benefit ourselves and others.
It’s about making conscious decisions for us. Not leaving ourselves behind.
Moms, nothing about estrangement is easy. But do you see how being stuck in an estrangement-induces identity crisis is far harder over the long term? You are more than estrangement. You deserve a fulfilling life. On your terms. Start thinking about who you want to become, starting today. You got this.
You are a mom living forward!