Did you know that even positive change requires loss?
I think that's at least part of what can make change seem hard, even impossible.
We don't want to give up - or know how to give up - thoughts and habits holding us back. It's uncomfortable.
For example, if we commit to exercise we have to be willing to give up some of our free time. We have to be willing to lose the ease and comfort of not exercising. And we won't get far if we keep thoughts about exercise being hard and miserable.
When I help moms in strained relationships with an adult child - moms who finally, desperately want to feel better - there's loss in those positive transformations too.
A client story:
"Pam" said she's been treated horribly by her daughter. She sacrificed to put her daughter through college and give her "the wedding of all weddings." Pam adjusted her work schedule to help after the birth of her grandchild.
So when her daughter moved away and told Pam she'd reach out once a year "for updates" and nothing more, Pam felt betrayed and victimized. She shut down in other relationships and often found it hard to get out of bed and go to work. She had a lot of resentment towards her daughter.
Through our sessions, Pam realized that if she wanted to feel better she had to loosen her grip on the story she was repeatedly telling herself.
It's not possible to build self-worth with thoughts like "my own daughter who I did everything for stabbed me in the back." It's impossible to live an empowered life as someone's victim.
Determined, Pam - over time and with help - learned to think differently.
Her willingness to give up old thought patterns took effort. She had to be open to experiencing the loss of seeing her perspective as the only way and the one that's "right."
Beliefs are thoughts we've had repeatedly. They feel true and justified and important to keep. But beliefs can be barriers to what's really desired - to not be stuck, to create a better life, to "feel like a valuable person again."
Pam learned to manage her thinking. She learned the skill of finding new thoughts that were both believable and helpful.
Pam now feels better and is creating the life she wants no matter how things play out with her daughter. She's one of many success stories.
So if you want positive change in your life, here are some questions to ask yourself:
What's one specific aspect of my life I'd like to be different or better?
What beliefs might be holding me back from making a change?
What might happen if I let go of one or two beliefs that aren't serving me?
Am I willing to adjust my thinking? Am I willing to see where I could be wrong? (not from a place of shame but from the view of an outside objective observer) Why or why not?
Am I willing to experience the loss of giving up engrained beliefs for thoughts that will feel true and better? Would it be worth it? Why or why not?
There's a quote - maybe many! - about all growth coming from discomfort. The losses we experience - ones we seek and one we don't - lead to tremendous change if we're open to it.
It really becomes a matter or priorities and desires. There aren't right or wrong choices - we're all on our own unique paths. Just know that there are options - always.
Learning mind management around issues as emotional as relationships with kids (of any age!) is transformative. I'll guide you through it. Schedule your free consult.
Much love wisdom and courage to you, mamas! ❤️