You'll never talk to anyone more than you talk to yourself.
I'm talking about the constant chatter in our brains.
The roughly 60,000 thoughts a day that science tells us we cycle through.
Amazing, right? Here's what's even crazier: 98% of our thoughts are ones we've had before. Our brains repeat-repeat-repeat. Constantly.
So if we're thinking the same thoughts over and over, what our brains are talking about must be pretty important.
Which is a little scary when researchers also estimate that a good 80% of our thoughts are negative. Yikes.
Here's why this matters.
All the time I see estranged parents running painful thought loops. Things like:
My child is a self-centered narcissist
I can't believe my daughter is so hateful
He's turning everyone against me
I'll never be able to get over this
When the brain bounces around thoughts like these 24/7, they become beliefs so engrained that we don't even notice them.
We think "I'll never be able to get over this" so many times it becomes automatic. Our brain sees it as fact. We‘re not aware of the thought, only that we feel sad and stuck.
When we repeatedly think "I can’t believe my daughter is so hateful," we feel disbelief and anger.
To feel better, find the thoughts causing your feelings. Then take hold of the mental chatter.
With so many repetitive thoughts and automated belief systems it takes awareness and practice to stop the thoughts that hurt us. And it's never too late - neuroscience shows that the brain can be reprogrammed. No matter your age or how long you've been struggling, we're able to develop new neural pathways - new belief systems.
By deciding what to focus on we can create a life we choose. Even with the chaos and confusion of estrangement, our minds are ours to control. That’s a job that only we have the power to do. When you're estranged and hurting, this is a game-changer.
If you need help getting started, click here and I'll consult with you, free, to learn how I can help.
Live forward thinking well, human moms!