Will She Ever Return? The Uncertainty of Estrangement


Estranged parents agonize over their estrangement fate.


The question boils down to, when will this end?


Intellectually, we know the future is unpredictable. Which is very annoying.


Because estranged parents, we live in perpetual ambiguity. It feels like our fate is held in someone else's hands.


That's one reason estranged parents push back and say they don't want reconciliation. Walking away provides relief from the discomfort of an uncertain future and unresolved relationship.


Let's take a step back and think more broadly.


Life, by it's very nature, is uncertain. Life is ambiguous. Life is uncomfortable most days. Much of life is out of our control.


There's daily risk of unexpected challenges and disruptions.


Pushing against it, we suffer.


We cannot control life. Or other people. And without control there will always be uncertainty.


So to not let the "when will this end?" question make you miserable, peace must be made with ambiguity. We can dwell on discomfort, or we can welcome it with courage.


Step back, and see how much uncertainty we already manage every day. To live is to participate in all of the comfort and discomfort, the order and chaos, the predictable and uncertain.


It's so hard to accept uncertainty when it comes to a parent-child relationship.


But was it ever certain? Did you ever really have control - over our child, over outcomes? Bringing a child into the world may be one of the most uncertain tasks of our lives. We know there are no guarantees, and do it anyway.


We didn't sign up for estrangement, yet here we are. This, for whatever reason, is part of our uncertain parenting journey. It's part of our unique and very uncertain life.


With love to you, estranged moms. You are not alone on this journey, xo

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